So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
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He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
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I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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