Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
