you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
