I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
