so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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