I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
