i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
