I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
