Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
