It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
