I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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