I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just gift wrapped bread.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's blow job season.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
