I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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