About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
