What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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