I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
