Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
