Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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