Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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