My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
