dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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