i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
