Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
