i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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