he shaved USA in his pubs
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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