i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
