guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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