if i died would you start the facebook group?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
