I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
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She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
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Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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