She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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