Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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