I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
