Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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