alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
