We got so high we made milksteak
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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