Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
