Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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