she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
