I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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