In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
