wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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