people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
