I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize