My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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