Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
