I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
