Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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