just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
