i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
