he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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