Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
