Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
