Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
