i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
