Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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