It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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