Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
