First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
