Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
