Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
