I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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