At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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