Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
