Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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