She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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