the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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