Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
