we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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