So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
