Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
