I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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