Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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