I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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